| 5:00A.M. | Woke up suddenly and felt wide awake but not rested enough (or motivated enough) to want to get out of bed. Sometimes waking up before the alarm can be a start to a great day, one in which you are rested and ready to take on the world. The two previous mornings, I have been waking up way too early (3:00A.M. ish) and am unable to fall back asleep for an hour or so. So when I see I still have 20 minutes until the alarm sounds, I try and snuggle under the covers and fall back asleep. Plus, the heater's not on so it is frickin' cold. |
| 5:40A.M. | Snooze. Snooze. Snooze. Snooze on both MY phone alarm AND the husband's phone alarm, and suddenly it is 5:40 and we are late to rise, again. This is pushing the boundary of the absolutely latest we can get out of bed, but we are both just so exhausted to start the day any earlier. |
Friday, June 28, 2013
November: Life and times of a sleep-deprived, overworked, underpaid, and crotchety-as-of-late public high school teacher
Old post from November 2012, Day in the Life of a first year MTC teacher. Good for you if you make it to the end.
June post: Cock-A-Doodle-Do You Know What You're Doing?
Watching the first years as they have entered the program, been introduced to all things teaching, and ruffled their tiny downy feathers* as they attempt the planning and execution of a lesson for the very first time, I am once again struck with the similarity and predictability of events in the life of an MTC teacher.
We all struggle. We are all terrible to begin with. We all need to work on classroom management. We all get through summer training** and start the school year unprepared, but as prepared as we can expect. We will continue to struggle with classroom management. We will show up to Saturday school tired and full of stories. We will get down in the dumps come October and November. We will relish in winter vacation - all two weeks of it. We will start January nervous once again. We will be at an all-time low in February, but will struggle through towards the bright, shining light of spring break. We will help cram for state tests, even if we are not a state tested teacher. We will be as loopy as the students in May. We will be checked out. We will encounter many role-plays-turned-real-life. We will help a new cohort of first years come out of their shell. We will rock that second year***. We will love, hate, admire, be annoyed by, get along with, burn and build bridges to students. We will be taken advantaged of - by our students, parents, and administration - because we care. We will work those extra hours. We will attend the games. We will laugh and cry with each other. We will grow with each other.
Every thing you are feeling has been, is being, and will be felt by all at one point or another. Take comfort in it.
*"Like many precocial hatchlings, domestic chickens are already covered with a downy coat of feathers when they hatch." - Relatively mature and mobile hatchlings that have crushed the shell separating their previous life from their teaching life, first years have yet to find their true colors, sharp beaks, or morning crowing attention-getter.
**Never acknowledging the quitters, of course. They are no longer part of the "we" - remember? It's us (the ones that will make it to the back of the second year T shirt) versus them (soon to be forgotten because you will have so many other things to do and remember).
***No one is ever Super Teacher their second year, but by comparison to the first, you will be able to think of yourself as the "Relatively Awesome and Sufficiently Competent Teacher"
We all struggle. We are all terrible to begin with. We all need to work on classroom management. We all get through summer training** and start the school year unprepared, but as prepared as we can expect. We will continue to struggle with classroom management. We will show up to Saturday school tired and full of stories. We will get down in the dumps come October and November. We will relish in winter vacation - all two weeks of it. We will start January nervous once again. We will be at an all-time low in February, but will struggle through towards the bright, shining light of spring break. We will help cram for state tests, even if we are not a state tested teacher. We will be as loopy as the students in May. We will be checked out. We will encounter many role-plays-turned-real-life. We will help a new cohort of first years come out of their shell. We will rock that second year***. We will love, hate, admire, be annoyed by, get along with, burn and build bridges to students. We will be taken advantaged of - by our students, parents, and administration - because we care. We will work those extra hours. We will attend the games. We will laugh and cry with each other. We will grow with each other.
Every thing you are feeling has been, is being, and will be felt by all at one point or another. Take comfort in it.
[Cue Circle Of Life music]
*"Like many precocial hatchlings, domestic chickens are already covered with a downy coat of feathers when they hatch." - Relatively mature and mobile hatchlings that have crushed the shell separating their previous life from their teaching life, first years have yet to find their true colors, sharp beaks, or morning crowing attention-getter.
**Never acknowledging the quitters, of course. They are no longer part of the "we" - remember? It's us (the ones that will make it to the back of the second year T shirt) versus them (soon to be forgotten because you will have so many other things to do and remember).
***No one is ever Super Teacher their second year, but by comparison to the first, you will be able to think of yourself as the "Relatively Awesome and Sufficiently Competent Teacher"
June post: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
A Happy Disposition
In as much as I can, I am going to try this upcoming school year to approach the classroom, the school day, the students, the parents, the administration, lesson planning, and my coursework with a happier disposition. I am a happy person overall, but my teaching personality over the last 1.5 years has been too robotic and tired for my liking. By the end of the last academic year I was up to my normal life tricks: smiling constantly, spinning harmless sarcastic comments, joking with students, and even dancing in place on a few occasions. Those who have been with me since I started subbing were weirded out by that behavior because it is not what they have come to expect from me. I hope to start the year with this attitude and hopefully increase it as the year progresses.
Hanna Olivier told the first years that during your first MTC year, you are strict and robotic. You develop a split personality, or as I like to think of it, an alternate reality when you walk into the classroom. During your second MTC year, you learn to blend that disciplinarian with your normal personality so that your two worlds are closer together. And by the third+ year, you are the teacher and the teacher is you. I am hoping to close this gap as quickly and effectively as I can.
A Colorful and Creative Classroom
This change in disposition will result in some structural changes in my classroom (working with the limited space as I can). Here's my classroom from last year:
The boards that held student work were updated maybe twice the whole year. This time, I am going to have a BUG board (bring up grades) to show names of students who are improving so that anyone, regardless of ability level, can receive some recognition. The desk space will unfortunately stay the same, as I don't have space for anything else. I am going to paint the file cabinets in fun bright colors and then actually USE them to help with storage space in my room. Anytime a mess can be decluttered, my mood is guaranteed to improve.
My science stars will be replaced with one science star of the week (amongst all periods) and they will get to decorate a science star spotlight, which will consist of questions and decorations on a scrapbook piece of paper. This will allow for more personalized recognition.
I am also going to be more creative with raffle. My raffle had already been tied to my "Classroom Temperature" number line, which will continue.
I am going to steal a trick from Jeff Probst of Survivor and offer students a choice for raffle prizes. Students will not be able to see their prizes:
This will allow me to have a bit more fun with what I give out. Bathroom pass? Lump of fresh fruit? Big bag of hot chips? Who wants to find out?
Other big changes include:
In as much as I can, I am going to try this upcoming school year to approach the classroom, the school day, the students, the parents, the administration, lesson planning, and my coursework with a happier disposition. I am a happy person overall, but my teaching personality over the last 1.5 years has been too robotic and tired for my liking. By the end of the last academic year I was up to my normal life tricks: smiling constantly, spinning harmless sarcastic comments, joking with students, and even dancing in place on a few occasions. Those who have been with me since I started subbing were weirded out by that behavior because it is not what they have come to expect from me. I hope to start the year with this attitude and hopefully increase it as the year progresses.
Hanna Olivier told the first years that during your first MTC year, you are strict and robotic. You develop a split personality, or as I like to think of it, an alternate reality when you walk into the classroom. During your second MTC year, you learn to blend that disciplinarian with your normal personality so that your two worlds are closer together. And by the third+ year, you are the teacher and the teacher is you. I am hoping to close this gap as quickly and effectively as I can.
A Colorful and Creative Classroom
This change in disposition will result in some structural changes in my classroom (working with the limited space as I can). Here's my classroom from last year:
The boards that held student work were updated maybe twice the whole year. This time, I am going to have a BUG board (bring up grades) to show names of students who are improving so that anyone, regardless of ability level, can receive some recognition. The desk space will unfortunately stay the same, as I don't have space for anything else. I am going to paint the file cabinets in fun bright colors and then actually USE them to help with storage space in my room. Anytime a mess can be decluttered, my mood is guaranteed to improve.
My science stars will be replaced with one science star of the week (amongst all periods) and they will get to decorate a science star spotlight, which will consist of questions and decorations on a scrapbook piece of paper. This will allow for more personalized recognition.
I am also going to be more creative with raffle. My raffle had already been tied to my "Classroom Temperature" number line, which will continue.
I am going to steal a trick from Jeff Probst of Survivor and offer students a choice for raffle prizes. Students will not be able to see their prizes:
This will allow me to have a bit more fun with what I give out. Bathroom pass? Lump of fresh fruit? Big bag of hot chips? Who wants to find out?
Other big changes include:
Year 1 Rules
|
Year 2 Rules
|
| 1) Raise your hand and wait for permission to speak or leave your seat. 2) Use appropriate language. 3) Follow all directions the first time given. 4) Keep your hands, feet, objects, comments, and outbursts to yourself. 5) Come prepared to class and be willing to actively participate. | 1) Raise your hand and wait for permission to speak or leave your seat. 2) Use appropriate language. 3) Follow all directions. 4) Keep your hands, feet, objects, comments, and outbursts to yourself. 5) No outside food or drink. |
Year 1 Consequences
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Year 2 Consequences
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| -Warning -Copy Assignment (as many as deemed appropriate). [Nothing was ever done with incomplete writing assignments.] -Behavioral Intervention / Call Home -Office Referral *severity clause* | -Warning -Copy Assignment (as many as deemed appropriate). Incomplete writing assignments will result in phone calls home. -Behavioral Intervention / Call Home / Parent conferences -Office Referral *severity clause* |
Year 1 Individual Rewards
|
Year 2 Individual Rewards
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| -Verbal praise -Tickets -Science Stars [stopped after first nine weeks] -Display stellar work [did twice a year] -Positive phone call home [not so much] -Good grades and a good education | -Verbal praise -Tickets with prizes in raffle - Food for grades (quizzes, tests, screeners) -Science Stars - 1/week with “profile” -Display stellar work (more often) -Positive phone call home (will push myself to be better) -Good grades and a good education |
Year 1 Group Rewards
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Year 2 Group Rewards
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| -Thermometer number line
-Music during IP
-Partner work during IP
| -Thermometer number line -Raffle on Fridays: Each point equals a prize -Food party for nine weeks class temperature winner -Displayed class averages (to compete) -Music during IP -Partner work during IP |
Year 1 Expectations (didn't use)
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Year 2 Expectations (will refer to often + poster)
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| -Be respectful of everyone in the classroom. -Do your best at all times. -Ask questions if you do not understand. -Be on time with all of your supplies, ready to learn. -Have academic integrity. | -I will do my best at all times. -I will trust in my ability to excel. -I will ask questions if I do not understand. -I will come to class daily, on time and with all of my supplies, ready to learn. -I will respect the speaker. |
Sunday, April 14, 2013
March/April Post: Building My Inspirational Narrative
This post is in response to the Onion article, "My Year Volunteering As A Teacher Helped Educate A New Generation Of Underprivileged Kids" and the attached student counterpoint, "Can We Please, Just Once, Have A Real Teacher?"
Walking the halls of our aging school, seeing the ceiling sag, the band hall without risers or carpet or instrument storage, fire extinguisher cases without covers, writing on the walls, an announcement system that cuts out every 30 seconds, no track or baseball or soccer fields, aging textbooks or no textbooks for some classes, few non-sports extracurricular activities, no AP classes, poor internet with no wifi, no usable television network, an inconsistent tardy and discipline system, no lockers, no after school clubs, no art program, no real mentoring program, insufficient sexual and family health education, and little help for the emotional life issues of students, I would say that ALL the kids in my district have been abandoned by the system and, in some cases, even by their families. Much is being done to help and improve the education of the students - everything from building renovations to higher evaluation standards for teachers, but I still look upon the school complex and come away seeing what is lacking. But as much as the educational system has left our students behind, I am most certainly not a person to lead them through the turmoil.
Sometimes I feel that by being present in the classroom I cannot have that much of an impact on the young adults I teach, but if/when I were to leave especially mid-year, the hole I left behind would affect every child in a negative way. Another science teacher in my school who was a part of another alternate licensure program left in December because her husband got a new job in another state. She was not an effective teacher or classroom manager and most of her kids misbehaved every day, but even I could tell that the students were hurt when hearing of her last days. Now the long-term sub in that position has no teaching experience, is not involved in education outside of this school, but does have a college degree in the subject matter. The sub is also leaving once the year is done in May. It is very difficult to look out into our surrounding communities and imagine a person with high qualifications staying unless they were already rooted in the community. The only teacher I can imagine being in my position in the near future, then, is one affiliated with MTC. In looking backwards, before me there was another MTC teacher, and before that, (as far as I know) stood a college-educated teacher with an actual education degree, going on retirement, who required students to go out and find their own frogs as a homework assignment for the live dissection they were to do in class.
Many days, I don't even feel like a teacher to my students. As we inch closer to the state test and the end of the year, they seem less interested in what I have to say or work I have for them to practice, and more interested in whispering back and forth to someone across the room. This is not helped by my administration, who today wrote that because students need to "loosen up" for the state tests, they will be able to be out of uniform for free for an entire week. I do want to help them pass their requirements, which include passing my subject's state test, and I do want them to become more well-rounded individuals so that they can function as leaders once they leave this school system and step out into the "real world." By the time that I have them in my tenth grade classes, they have had so much going on in their families and friendships that the majority of students are, instead of kids, adults walking around in a pubescent body, unable to cope with the variety of emotions caused by their raging hormones and day-to-day life experiences.
"Most of these kids had been abandoned by the system and, in some cases, even by their families, making me the only person who could really lead them through the turmoil." (teacher)
Walking the halls of our aging school, seeing the ceiling sag, the band hall without risers or carpet or instrument storage, fire extinguisher cases without covers, writing on the walls, an announcement system that cuts out every 30 seconds, no track or baseball or soccer fields, aging textbooks or no textbooks for some classes, few non-sports extracurricular activities, no AP classes, poor internet with no wifi, no usable television network, an inconsistent tardy and discipline system, no lockers, no after school clubs, no art program, no real mentoring program, insufficient sexual and family health education, and little help for the emotional life issues of students, I would say that ALL the kids in my district have been abandoned by the system and, in some cases, even by their families. Much is being done to help and improve the education of the students - everything from building renovations to higher evaluation standards for teachers, but I still look upon the school complex and come away seeing what is lacking. But as much as the educational system has left our students behind, I am most certainly not a person to lead them through the turmoil.
Sometimes I feel that by being present in the classroom I cannot have that much of an impact on the young adults I teach, but if/when I were to leave especially mid-year, the hole I left behind would affect every child in a negative way. Another science teacher in my school who was a part of another alternate licensure program left in December because her husband got a new job in another state. She was not an effective teacher or classroom manager and most of her kids misbehaved every day, but even I could tell that the students were hurt when hearing of her last days. Now the long-term sub in that position has no teaching experience, is not involved in education outside of this school, but does have a college degree in the subject matter. The sub is also leaving once the year is done in May. It is very difficult to look out into our surrounding communities and imagine a person with high qualifications staying unless they were already rooted in the community. The only teacher I can imagine being in my position in the near future, then, is one affiliated with MTC. In looking backwards, before me there was another MTC teacher, and before that, (as far as I know) stood a college-educated teacher with an actual education degree, going on retirement, who required students to go out and find their own frogs as a homework assignment for the live dissection they were to do in class.
"In some ways, it's almost like I was more than just a teacher to those children. I was a real mentor who was able to connect with them and fully understand their backgrounds and help them become the leaders of tomorrow." (teacher)
Many days, I don't even feel like a teacher to my students. As we inch closer to the state test and the end of the year, they seem less interested in what I have to say or work I have for them to practice, and more interested in whispering back and forth to someone across the room. This is not helped by my administration, who today wrote that because students need to "loosen up" for the state tests, they will be able to be out of uniform for free for an entire week. I do want to help them pass their requirements, which include passing my subject's state test, and I do want them to become more well-rounded individuals so that they can function as leaders once they leave this school system and step out into the "real world." By the time that I have them in my tenth grade classes, they have had so much going on in their families and friendships that the majority of students are, instead of kids, adults walking around in a pubescent body, unable to cope with the variety of emotions caused by their raging hormones and day-to-day life experiences.
"I fully understand that our nation is currently facing an extreme shortage of teachers and that we all have to make do with what we can get. But does that really mean we have to be stuck with some privileged college grad who completed a five-week training program and now wants to document every single moment of her life-changing year on a Tumblr?" (student response)Guilty. Except I chronicle on Instagram. And it's a two year program.
"Graduating high school is the only way for me to get out of the malignant cycle of poverty endemic to my neighborhood and to many other impoverished neighborhoods throughout the United States. I can't afford to spend these vital few years of my cognitive development becoming a small thread in someone's inspirational narrative." (student response)
"Ultimately, I suppose I can never know exactly how much of an impact I had on my students, but I do know that for me it was a fundamentally eye-opening experience and one I will never forget." (teacher)I hope that my reasons for joining and my reasons for being here are not simply to develop an inspirational narrative. And I hope that those I interact with do not come to that conclusion, either. All I can do for right now is help equip the students I currently have with knowledge required to pass a test needed for graduation. The kids, the parents, the administration know that in order for these children and young adults to break their cyclical generational poverty, they need to do what is necessary to get the hell away from here. But all of us also know that in order to "fix" and sustain the local system, we need people to receive necessary qualifications and come BACK to the community because the schools must be run by those in and from the area. I do not know who will be standing in my position after I have left. I would be delusional, though, to think that my time in Mississippi will be anything but a fundamentally eye-opening experience that I will never forget.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
February Post: Successful Students
Describe a student you teach that you know will be successful. What qualities does that student possess that indicate future success? Will the culture and policies of your school facilitate towards or detract from the student's likelihood of obtaining future success? How so?
I teach many students who I feel will be successful, but there is one student in particular that I know will succeed no matter who does or does not help her. She is like a force that cannot be stopped - if forces were also generally considered terribly nice and quiet as mice. Kay* is an excellent student academically and behaviorally. I have never given her a consequence, not even one warning. She is at every after school tutoring session, and if for some reason she does not have a homework assignment at the time it is due, she will return a few periods later in the day with everything in order. Her fault, if examining her through the lens of a teacher, is that she is often tardy to class due to arriving at school late. I can always count on Kay to have the right answer when I call on her, or to be able to see her saying the answer under her breath whenever another student is answering.
While I do love how booksmart she is, Kay has qualities that cannot helped but be followed by success. She is consistent and follows up on her word, portraying a sense of sincerity in all her interactions (at least the ones that I have witnessed). I absolutely love to see her desire to learn and better herself. The intrinsic motivation to learn is a piece that I believe every teacher craves to see in each pupil, but since it can be hard to define ways to fit that piece into place, it is one that often goes unseen. On parent conference day, she sent her father back to the school after him already making the rounds of her classes because he had forgotten to stop by my room to pick up her progress report. I of course had nothing but good things to say to him, which is the best type of conference to have with a parent when well-deserved. Kay is also an amazing writer, and I have heard from other teachers that she wants to be an author when she is older. Beyond that motivation to attain a hefty goal like being an author, merely being a skilled reader and writer can get a person very far in life. Writing and reading are two areas that my students struggle heavily with, so any advantage one has in those fields will pay off mightily in a school such as mine.
I think the school I work in and am involved in does not fully foster Kay's creativity, desire for knowledge, or skill sets that she already possesses. There is much that we will not be able to do for her, but being that I do believe she is self-motivated, I think she will be able to overcome any obstacles encountered because of her high school society. There are many opportunities she will miss out on by going to this school, but again I do not believe that her success will be erased because of this. Sure she may have ended up in a very different place later in life with having gone to a more privileged and well-equipped high school, but she has what it takes to make a bright future for herself nonetheless.
*Names changed
I teach many students who I feel will be successful, but there is one student in particular that I know will succeed no matter who does or does not help her. She is like a force that cannot be stopped - if forces were also generally considered terribly nice and quiet as mice. Kay* is an excellent student academically and behaviorally. I have never given her a consequence, not even one warning. She is at every after school tutoring session, and if for some reason she does not have a homework assignment at the time it is due, she will return a few periods later in the day with everything in order. Her fault, if examining her through the lens of a teacher, is that she is often tardy to class due to arriving at school late. I can always count on Kay to have the right answer when I call on her, or to be able to see her saying the answer under her breath whenever another student is answering.
While I do love how booksmart she is, Kay has qualities that cannot helped but be followed by success. She is consistent and follows up on her word, portraying a sense of sincerity in all her interactions (at least the ones that I have witnessed). I absolutely love to see her desire to learn and better herself. The intrinsic motivation to learn is a piece that I believe every teacher craves to see in each pupil, but since it can be hard to define ways to fit that piece into place, it is one that often goes unseen. On parent conference day, she sent her father back to the school after him already making the rounds of her classes because he had forgotten to stop by my room to pick up her progress report. I of course had nothing but good things to say to him, which is the best type of conference to have with a parent when well-deserved. Kay is also an amazing writer, and I have heard from other teachers that she wants to be an author when she is older. Beyond that motivation to attain a hefty goal like being an author, merely being a skilled reader and writer can get a person very far in life. Writing and reading are two areas that my students struggle heavily with, so any advantage one has in those fields will pay off mightily in a school such as mine.
I think the school I work in and am involved in does not fully foster Kay's creativity, desire for knowledge, or skill sets that she already possesses. There is much that we will not be able to do for her, but being that I do believe she is self-motivated, I think she will be able to overcome any obstacles encountered because of her high school society. There are many opportunities she will miss out on by going to this school, but again I do not believe that her success will be erased because of this. Sure she may have ended up in a very different place later in life with having gone to a more privileged and well-equipped high school, but she has what it takes to make a bright future for herself nonetheless.
*Names changed
Friday, January 4, 2013
December: Summer Training Revisited
*required post
Glows: How did summer training help to prepare you for your fall teaching?
- Role plays are un-hilariously realistic: The week before the semester ended, I had a wasp flying around in my room and knew there was no way to quell the energy of the students until it had been taken care of. The tallest student was the furthest away, saying he was allergic, and the smallest (by probably two feet) wanted to be the one to come to the rescue. I captured it in a container, let it outside, and continued with class.
- Connections and resources: I already feel like I have to create a lot of resources, so I am glad that I was able to get a head start with the resources and connections gained in summer school.
- Being prepared for interruptions: While our summer was relatively interruption free, other teachers were always commenting that the school day might get interrupted for this or that other reason. Those warnings helped prepare me to shake things off and try and roll with situations as they arise.
- Rules, consequences, rewards: Although I don't believe I am using my posted rules, consequences, and rewards the most effectively that I could be, I was given a good starting point to work from as a first year teacher.
Grows: How did summer training fail to prepare you for your fall teaching? What are some specific improvements that could be made?
- Exhaustion: summer school, while tiring in it's own right, could never have prepared me for the depths of the exhaustion I feel now, one semester in.
- How to balance teaching and personal life: I feel as though I am still teetering along, woefully off balance. I am not sure how summer school could train an incoming teacher in this, because I still have not found balance between my teaching and personal life. In addition to the finding balance, we could have had more of a discussion on coping mechanisms and keeping yourself happy while teaching here in Mississippi.
- How to grade: I found myself so far behind this last nine weeks in grading, with no effective means of catching up on all of the mounds of paper. In my head, I know of a lot of tips and tricks, but I struggle with the implementation of those tricks to free up some of that time spent grading for other things.
- Workshops: We were able to participate in three or so workshops while at summer school. I believe they were held on the same day and after a long morning of teaching, so that by the time the incoming teachers sat down to hear some condensed kernels of wisdom, many were zoning out and unable to process the immense stream of information. I would have preferred to be offered more workshop choices, with a minimum requirement of attendance, and have those workshops offered multiple Saturday mornings (like 10AM-noon) so that we would be of a clear mind.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
November: The Collection
Going into my first full year of teaching at a rural school in Mississippi, I knew things were going to be tough, exhaustion was going to set in, and my emotional equilibrium would be thrown woefully out of balance for the next two or so years. I knew that there would be really good moments to go along with the bad, and although the good may seem few and far between in the beginning, over time it would start to even out. At least that is the impression given off by others who have been or are currently in the program.
Having gone through the initial summer school training and three full months of teaching in my position as a Biology 1 teacher, I am surprised to find that the problems and issues still currently seem to outweigh the positives. On some days, the really tough ones when I am running low on sleep and the students do not respond to consequences and test averages come back in the 40’s, I wonder how I can make it through another year and a half of this. Deep down, I know I will not quit and I will finish teaching this year’s sophomore class and next year’s sophomore class. I know that the second year will most likely be easier. I know that I will be teaching fewer students next year, and more well behaved ones to boot, and I know that I will be reusing material instead of constantly creating it. But the double edge sword of having high standards and expecting us as new teachers to go above and beyond those standards to perform, is that stress and worry related to going above and beyond.
I work too much. Over any given regular school day, too many hours are spent on the classroom and too few are spent on keeping me happy, healthy, and sane. When I arrive in the morning, there may only be one or two others already in the building. Getting to school early does not bother me. I like to come in when the school is still quiet and dark as a way of resetting the classroom clock. I teach the same prep for six periods, as well as an enrichment period dedicated to Biology test preparation. I have my planning period during the last class of the day, and it is usually filled with putting the classroom back together, meetings, or preparing for after school tutoring held on Mondays and Wednesdays. By the time I get back to the house, there is still two or three hours to spend on planning for the next day and grading. Working on using in class downtime more effectively will help cut down on time grading papers outside of school. Using one day a weekend to map out and plan the upcoming week is another way to free up personal hours after school on weekdays. While I am advancing each week on increasing the quality of my work and decreasing the time spent on work, I still feel the need for much improvement.
I also stress too much. Taking a step back from my own improvement and turning the lens to look at student improvement so far this year, I find it hard to tell whether students are or are not on track for where they need to be by the end of the year. The pressure to have 50% of test takers score proficient or advanced on their Biology 1 state test has been applied since the beginning of the school year, and I find the amount of pressure increasing as the school year progresses. I am not worried about half of the class. There are many who are well on their way to scoring advanced, and many more who I believe will score proficient. Then there are the students who are currently failing my class or who are always hovering over the border, and beyond whether or not they will pass my class and continue on to a science elective next year, I worry that they will not be as prepared as they need to be come state test time in May. I worry that I do not have what it takes to attain their attention and keep it for another six months. I worry that they will not pass this test, maybe even not graduate, and some of that blame will rest on me. Even when I am technically not working on anything, I think and worry and stress about past and future interactions with students.
I stress myself to come up with new and engaging ways to present the material so that it will stick with a variety of learners. We already do not use the text book, unless students need to look up a picture or diagram. They keep track of their own interactive science notebook inside of a composition notebook, and aside from the few who have misplaced it, most students keep all of their notes in the notebook and take it home with them every day. While I hope to greatly improve the effectiveness of the interactive science notebook for next year, I have found it to be very beneficial. Incorporating paper projects has also been a small success. We recently made ATP Money, where students practiced creating ATP and ADP molecules out of paper and string on a printout of a dollar. Earlier in the year, students illustrated bonding inside and between water molecules using Mickey Mouse Water Molecule cutouts and string. While my classroom has very limited space due to the number of desks covering the coveted floor space, we have been successful in completing a cheek cells DNA extraction lab and cabbage juice indicator lab with time constraints and very limited resources. My hope is that peppering the lectures enough with songs, projects, and labs throughout the year will be enough to keep the class engaging and informative.
I know that things will get better. I know that I, as an educator, will get better. I know that my students will learn more biology, and they will work. I know that my life will find a new equilibrium because I know that I will not survive long being this out of balance. I do not know how much I have to give, but I am constantly feeling like I am giving my all. And sometimes it does feel more like that all is being taken, rather than being given. When I feel stretched to the limit, somehow I find a little bit more to give tucked away in a long-forgotten corner. I dust it off and present it to this new world in which I find myself, only to go back into the Labyrinth searching for another hidden twist and turn. Sometimes, when I am lucky, those little amounts of all are traded, not taken, for a smile, a pleasant exchange, a lightbulb flickering on in a student’s mind, a brand new story to add to the collection.
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